“You Might Not” Archives

You Might Not Like It Here If. . .

. . . you think Obama is Muslim.

. . . you care if Obama is Muslim.

. . . you took “yes” in the “Does Howard Dean Have A Spine?” pool.

. . . you think being called a douchebag for being a douchebag is against your First Amendment rights.

. . . you ever compared yourself to Shakespeare

. . . you sang at Rush Limbaugh’s last wedding.

. . . you want to sing at Rush Limbaugh’s next wedding.

. . . you are, are married to or can even look at James Carville.

. . . you’re still waiting for Jerry Brown to return from space.

. . . you have so many bumper stickers on your ’72 VW van that you can’t remember what color it is.

. . . you aren’t doing it for the children.

. . . you’ve ever wanted to see Geraldine Ferraro in stretch pants.

. . . you’ve ever yearned to share a sauna with Caspar Weinberger.

. . . you think Dick Morris alone doesn’t disprove Intelligent Design

. . . you want to de-lez Rachael Maddow

. . . you want to re-lez Rachael Maddow

. . . you don’t wonder why they put bloggers on TV. If anyone has a face for words only, it’s a blogger.

. . . you shave your kid’s head so she can look more like Karl Rove.

. . . you wish a naked Rahm Emanuel would accost YOU in the shower. . . AND call you retarded.

. . . you think you have a bigger dick than Ann Coulter.

. . . you named your daughter Blizter

. . . you wouldn’t give 100 bucks to see Verne Troyer punch Sean Hannity in the balls

. . . you don’t watch Hardball just to see what stupid fucking thing Chris Matthews is going to say

. . . you have an affair on your wife just so the two of you can be more like the Clintons

. . . you’re still holding out hope Dan Quayle gives it another go (comedians excluded)

. . . you’ve ever waved a photocopied birth certificate and/or yelled “I want my country back”

. . . every time you see Sen. Al Franken, you don’t think about Sen. Stuart Smalley.

. . . a hot Saturday night includes a flame war with the lesbian across the street.

. . . you think Harry Reid doesn’t look like he just ate a pickle . . . all the time.

. . . you’ve compared Obama to Hitler

. . . you’ve compared anybody but Hitler to Hitler

. . . you’ve got a vile of Keith Olbermann ‘s spittle on your bedside table.

. . . Glenn Beck makes sense to you, at any time, about anything.

. . . you get all of your opinions from MoveOn.org’s Facebook page.

. . . you think the words “Sarah Palin” and “President” should be used in the same sentence (or paragraph or document).

. . . you think the left wing of the Democratic Party can govern themselves out of a paper bag, that has no top, bottom or sides.